


blue wind gets so sad

by plumberkatherine



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Other, Stream of Consciousness, Suicide, TriggerWarning, also this format is v weird, idk if i like it, ilse is lowkey dissociating, what even is this style, why can't i write???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 22:04:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11541333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plumberkatherine/pseuds/plumberkatherine
Summary: Ilse returns to say sorry far too late.





	blue wind gets so sad

**Author's Note:**

> so super duper trigger warnings here!! there is a lot of possibly triggering content so please please don't read if you're not comfortable!! also the style is very very odd but i decided to try it and see, the italics are thoughts and the rest is just your average third-person narrator nonsense so yeah hope you like it!!

Ilse is walking.

She’s making her way back to the clearing where she was with Moritz. It’s only been a few minutes but she knows she needs to say sorry, and that she _thought you’d be cold so I brought you my jacket and I didn’t mean it and can you still walk me home and play pirates_

She’s almost to the spot, so she clears her throat and is about to say sorry when she hears it, she hears a shot, and now she’s running and she sees him on the ground she sees Moritz and why is there blood _something is wrong oh god Moritz no what have you done_

 

Ilse is screaming.

She screams until she can’t make a sound. Until her voice is hoarse and her throat is raw. Until she realizes that it won’t _it can’t_ bring back the boy lying in front of her. There’s blood all over and she’s picked up the gun and she sees his eyes and _oh god it’s like he’s looking right at me why can’t he be looking at me Moritz why why why why why_

She screams the word at the stars, at the moon, at the sky, until finally it loses its meaning. Until everything loses its meaning because a fifteen year old girl shouldn’t be sobbing into her bloody hands over the body of her only friend and _who is this girl why is she screaming why is she crying why are her hands covered in blood why why why_ and she realizes she is the girl, _it’s me it’s me I’m crying and I’m bloody and I’m holding the gun and it’s Moritz oh god it’s Moritz and he’s staring at me without seeing me and for the love of god he’s dead Moritz is dead he’s just a kid_

 

Ilse is crying.

She’s crying so hard that her head hurts and her chest burns. She didn’t know it was possible to cry this hard. But here she is, weeping and holding his hand and she can’t bear to look at him but she needs him to still be there so she holds his hand because it’s still him, it’s still Moritz, and for a while she can almost believe he’s just asleep until she sees the blood again and it’s everywhere, _it’s on my hands it’s on my hands I did this I made him do this it’s all my fault oh god there’s so much blood Moritz I’m sorry I’m so sorry why why why_ and suddenly the gun in her left hand never seemed so enticing

 

Ilse is shaking.

It’s cold and the stars have nearly disappeared, it’s almost morning. It’s been hours and she has stayed in the same place with one hand gripping Moritz’s and the other holding the gun to her own head trying to work up the courage to do it _why can’t I just fucking do it_

She’s still there when Ernst and Frau Robel are suddenly behind her and Ernst is prying the gun from her hand and _how did they know I was here?_ And she can’t remember if she started screaming again and the _whole world is too cold it’s too much I can’t do it give me the gun_

 

Ernst is confused.

He and his mother woke up to screaming coming from the woods. Upon following it they see a girl with gun to her head and he doesn’t even have time to realize it’s Ilse when suddenly he’s ripping the gun from her hand and wrapping his arms around her because he doesn’t know what else to do.

That’s when he sees the blood and the boy and _jesus christ it’s Moritz,_ and his mother says something but he can’t even hear her because _that’s him that’s my friend_ and suddenly he and Ilse are both crying and Frau Robel puts her shawl over Moritz’s body because it’s all she can do.

It’s all anyone can do.


End file.
